Monday, February 20, 2012

The next summer

This is the part of the writer's platform building campaign I love - the writing challenge.  Here are the parameters for this installment (in a nutshell)
  • 200 words or less = check!
  • start with "Shadows crept across the wall" = check!
for extra credit
  • end with "everything faded" = almost... I have "everything else faded"
  • include the word "orange" = check!
  • write in the genre you normally write  = check (for me YA)
  • make your story 200 words exactly = check.
Okay girls and boys, here goes:

_____________________________
Shadows crept across the wall, stretching longer and taller as the daylight waned.

He wasn’t coming.

I signaled the waitress, ignoring her pitying expression. She’d let me sit there all afternoon. I put a fifty into the tray for my one latte.

I’d been away at university for nine lonely months. But I was in L.A. for the summer and Spence was joining me. Supposedly.

I checked my phone one more time.

Maybe he’d met someone. L.A. was the land of beautiful people and Spence fit right in with his GQ model looks. I didn’t fit, what with my Bozo the Clown carrot-orange hair and pale, freckled skin.

Still, when we were together he made me feel beautiful and important. Was it any wonder I loved him?

I stumbled out onto the sidewalk, tears stinging as I walked to my car.

“Mels!”

Only Spence called me that. I turned to see him emerge from a yellow cab.

“I wasn’t sure you’d still be here. Lost my phone and the plane was late.” He ran a hand through his hair.

My mascara was probably running. I didn’t care. I crushed him to me, pulled his lips to mine.

Everything else faded.

58 comments:

  1. You captured the doubt and uncertainty of waiting for someone quite well. A true slice of life piece. Nice one! :)

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  2. Yay! Another love story! We're a rare breed in the land of creepy, crawlies! Love it! And I love the voice!

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    1. Thank you Daisy. I love your pizza story too. Us love story writers have to stick together!

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  3. Hey there! New campaigner here finally making the rounds. Although, I think I remember you from the 3rd campaign.

    I LOVED your scene. I really liked how depressing and sad it started out, how lonesome, and then how cute it turned out in the end. I really enjoyed reading it.

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  4. I adore this story! It certainly captures the uncertainty and doubt of the long distance relationship, but with an uplifting reunion in the end. So sweet and a great voice!

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    1. I love your story. HOT HOT HOT! And cheetos too? What's not to love?

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  5. Great job! I really felt bad for her and was relieved when Spence showed up.

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    1. Thank you Komal. I liked yours as well. Me I like green tea ice cream or those mochi ice cream things.

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  6. I was going to be really sad if Spence didn't show up!! Great job! You really captured her feeling of being abandoned.

    I'm entry #19

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  7. Enjoyed the uplifting ending - made me smile :) Nice build-up, kept me hopeful that it wouldn't end in heartbreak.

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    1. Thank you. I love the comedic twist of your entry.

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  9. Awww that was so cute! I love happy endings! :)

    I'm #37

    Btw I'm a new follower! :)

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    1. Thanks Alyssa. I'm following you back.

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  10. I loved the imagery - bozo the clown hair and freckled skin - very nice.

    Great job!
    Michelle

    www.michelle-pickett.com/blog

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  11. That was beautiful. I know what it's like to wait for someone and I also know what it's like to be late because of circumstances beyond your control. You've captured those feelings perfectly. Well done.

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    1. Thank you Esther. I'm in admiration of your poem. (I can never get anything to rhyme- at least intentionally).

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  12. A familiar scene for many I am sure. It is great how you captured those feelings of self doubt and I am so glad he showed up. Nicely done!

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  13. aw a happy ending love story - good for you
    I'm #103

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    1. Thanks for stopping by. Appreciate the comment.

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  14. Whew. For a second there, it looked like she was going to get stood up. I'm glad it ended well :)

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    1. Glad it didn't disappoint. Thanks for stopping by!

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  15. What a sweet optimistic story! Nice change of pace, to be sure. I really like it. Especially the happy ending!! YAY!

    I'm a new follower and challenge entry #96.

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    1. Thanks for reading and following. I appreciate it! I also enjoyed your entry - very layered and got me thinking.

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  16. What a sweet story! I am so bad at sweet stories, myself, so ones like this just seem all the sweet to me! Even when it seemed sad, like Spence wasn't going to come, there's still a nice waitress, so there's still a happy sort of sense to it, and that's just lovely. =)

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    1. thanks for stopping by. I appreciate the comment.

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  17. The emotions came through quite strongly with a lovely ending. I'm #91 and very new to this.

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  18. This is great because a lot of people have experiences insecurities with a loved one. Great story!

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    1. Thanks Melanie. You have a great story yourself! Visited and voted!

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  19. YAY for happy endings. $50 tip? I"ll be her waiter next time ;)

    I'm #58, Tale Spinning

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    1. You got the job! Thanks for stopping by.

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  20. I'm so glad he showed up!! I would have been sad! Yay happiness!!

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    1. Thank you for stopping! And thanks for following. I am in awe of your writing talent!

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  21. Replies
    1. Yup, I'm a happy ending kind of gal. Thank you for stopping by

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  22. Nice. I'm glad it had a good ending!

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  23. Hooray! I love hopeful stories about relatable people! Nicely done. Mine is #71

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! I love your entry too. You write vivid imagery.

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  24. Loved it! Great writing, imagery, and you nailed it with emotion! Voting for you! I'm #61.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by. Loved your ghost story.

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  25. Sweet little story. Didn't think it was going to be a happy ending. Your use of the orange prompt made me chuckle!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by. Yeah, ever the optimist. That's what I am...

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  26. Thank you very much for stopping by!

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  27. Cute! He seems like a good guy :) you have my vote!

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  28. Ooo. Nice one! You definitely get a vote!
    Melissa Maygrove #149

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    1. thank you kindly for stopping by, and following!

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  29. I'm glad Spence showed up! Nice little love story!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by and following!

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